Without Lily
by Prongs4Flower
Summary: It's that fateful Halloween night, but one problem. James isn't home. This is totally AU, and my first story. Please let me know what you think. Rating just in case.
1. Harry's First Birthday

Hey everybody! This is my first story, and the idea behind it is a little wierd. It doesn't get too out of control until later chapters. Anyway, let me know if you like it.

Disclaimer: All characters and ideas that you recognize do not belong to me but the brilliant JKR.  
  
**July 31**

"Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday dear Harry. Happy Birthday to you."

The song rang out in the Potter's dining room as Lily Potter sat the cake down in front of her son. Today was his first birthday. She looked around the room at the smiling faces of her friends and family. Sirius Black was there along with his long time girlfriend of 3 years Rebekha Bell. Lily sometimes wondered why they weren't married yet. It always ended up in Sirius not being ready. Next to Sirius and Rebekha was Rebekha's twin sister Amy. Amy had been Lily's best friend through all of Hogwarts. Next to Amy was her boyfriend Remus Lupin. The couple had been dating for a few months and Lily wondered if it would get serious or not. Next to Remus sat Peter Pettigrew. He was a sweet, timid man, but there had always been something Lily didn't like about him, but she just couldn't put her finger on it. Next to Peter was Lily's husband of almost 5 years, James. She couldn't have imagined anyone better to spend the rest of her life with. He caught her staring at him and he offered his trademark smile. Lily smiled back.

Later that night, after zapping the house clean and putting her son to bed, Lily walked into the bedroom where James was laying reading the latest Quidditch supplies magazine.

"Harry's asleep." she announced to her husband.

"That's good. I'm glad he's started sleeping the entire night now."

"Me, too. There was once when I thought the day would never come."

She changed into her bed clothes then crawled in next to her husband.

"I can't believe he's a year old already."

James put his magazine away and put his arms around his wife, drawing her close to him.

"I know. It seems like yesterday when we held him in our arms for the first time." he said as he kissed the top of her head.

"It's going to seem like no time before he grows up. First he starts walking and talking, then it's off to Hogwarts. Then he'll be dating firls, graduating, getting a job, getting married –"

"Lily, stop. The boy just turned one. We don't need to imagine him getting married just quite yet."

"I was just making the point that he's going to grow up fast."

James didn't say anything back, so Lily let her head rest on his chest. She had almost fallen asleep to the rhythmic rise and fall of his breathing when he finally said something.

"Lily?"

"Hmm?" she responded sleepily.

"I want another one."

"Another what?" she asked, raising her head to look at him.

"Another what? What have we been talking about?"

"You want another kid?"

"Yeah."

"James, I thought we decided we were going to wait until Harry was about four."

"I know, but I want Harry to have a sibling close to his age. Someone he can actually be friends with. And this way we're not really out of practice on how to do things. What do you think?"

"Give me a minute."

The wheels in Lily's brain seemed like they were going a mile a minute. Sure she wanted to have more kids, but this soon? What James said about the age gap sounded true. She was six years younger than her sister and they definitely weren't friends. As she though about it, everything he said seemed to make sense.

"So, another kid, huh?" she asked.

"Only if you want another one right now."

"I never said I didn't, did I?"


	2. Surprises

Disclaimer: All characters and ideas you recognize don't belong to me, but the brilliant JKR  
  
**October 30**

With a loud pop, James apparated into the kitchen of his house. HE looked at the clock above the sink. 11:13. He was very late. He hoped Lily wasn't too mad. She had owled him and said she had a surprise for him when he got home. That was at four o'clock, one hour before he was supposed to leave, but there ended up being another Death Eater attack. These had become much too frequent. He hoped it all would end soon. James trudged up the stairs, stopping first in Harry's room. He slowly opened the door, but only enough so that he could see his son sleeping soundly in his crib. He walked over to where he lay and looked down on him. James reached down and stroked his son's hair, smiling at how peaceful he looked when he was asleep. As he was leaving the room, something on the dresser caught his eye and caused him to go back and take a closer look at it. It was a book. He held it in the light so that he could get a good look at the title: _What to Expect in Your Second Pregnancy—How it Can Be Different from the First_. James blinked a couple of times to make sure he was reading it right. He walked out of the nursery, making sure to leave the door creacked then headed over to the bedroom that he and Lily shared, surprised to find the room dark and Lily already asleep. He pulled his wand out of his pocket.

"Lumos." he whispered and the tip of the wand lit.

He could see Lily squirming under the covers in the shadows and he knew she wasn't asleep. He creawled in the bed and lowered his face so that his lips were right next to her ear.

"Lily!" he shouted, causing her to jolt straight up in bed.

"Merlin's beard, James, I was asleep." she said, feigning tiredness.

"You were not. Besides, I thought I'd let you know I found your book." he said tossing it at her.

"Where'd you find it? I couldn't remember where I'd put it."

"The nursery. So was this the big surprise?"

"Yeah, I found out today."

"Why didn't you tell me you thought you were pregnant?"

"Because I kind of wanted it to be a sudden thing."

"Do you know when you're due?"

"Sometime in either April or May."

"Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?"

"James, we didn't find out that Harry was a boy until he was born. We're going to do the same thing with this baby."

"Lily, I'm so happy." he said kissing her.

**A/N: Sorry this is short, longer chapters are in the making.**


	3. Problems with Padfoot

**October 31**

The next evening in the Potter household was not a good one. Harry had been unusually fussy that day, and as soon as James had returned home from work, Lily had given the crying baby to him.

"James, I really think something's wrong with him." Lily said as they sat in the living room that night.

"Maybe it's a phase."

"It's not a phase. Kids don't just start crying randomly for full days."

"Just take him to the healer and get it checked out tomorrow."

Suddenly their fireplace started glowing and Sirius's head appeared in the fire.

"Hey, Padfoot. What's up?" James asked.

"I'm going through a crisis here. Do you think you could come over for a while?"

"What's going on? Oh, hey, Sirius." Lily said as she walked into the living room with Harry in her arms. His cries had quieted for now, but she didn't know how long it would last.

"Lily, do you mind if I borrow James for a while?" Sirius's head asked.

"Right now?"

"Lily, I won't be too long. Besides, he's quiet now."

"Are you two having baby troubles?"

"Yes."

"No more than 30 minutes, I promise." James pleaded.

"Fine, but if you're longer, you're the one who gets to stay up with a crying baby."

"Thanks, Lily. James, I'll see you in a few." Sirius said before his head disappeared from the flames.

"Thank you so much. I promise I'll try to make it under 30 minutes." James said as he kissed his wife then pulled out his want to disapperate. James instantly appeared in Sirius's kitchen where his friend gave him a warm glass of butterbeer.

"So what's so important that we both had to beg my wife to let me come? It had better not be Rebekha."

Sirius didn't say anything, but looked down at his drink.

"It is Rebekha. Sirius!"

"She wants to get married." he said bluntly.

"But you don't, right?"

"I don't know."

James could tell by the look on his friend's face that he really needed some help.

"Why don't you start by telling me what happened."

"Well, the night started out fine. We had dinner, walked around Hogsmeade, then came back here. We were in the living room having fun with ourselves, when she pulls back and says, 'When are you going to aske me to marry you?' I just sat there and I looked at her. I finally jumbled out an 'I don't know' and the she asks, 'Well, are going to get married?' Again, the only thing I can think of is 'I don't know.' Then she gives me this look and says, 'Do you even want to get married? Not just to me. Period.' And all I can do to save my life is just give her this stupid look and say yet again, 'I don't know.' Then she says, 'Well, when you figure it out, let me know.' Then she got up and walked out. I just sat there dumbfounded about the whole conversation."

"I would have, too. Marriage is a big step. It's not something you need to let her pressure you into."

"I know. But I'm afraid if I tell her I don't want to get married, at least right now, I'll lose her. I don't want to lose her. This is all your fault."

"My fault? How is it my fault?"

"I've know Bekha's wanted to get married for a while now. She would never say it directly, but I knew what she was talking about. I remember the first hint she gave me. It was at Remus's birthday party in May. I don't remember what we were doing, but out of nowhere she was all, 'Look at Lily and James. I want what they have.'"

"What do we have?"

"You have a marriage. A good marriage."

"It's not as easy as it sounds. We have good times, we have bad times, just like everyone else. And sometimes, the bad gets really bad and you have to really work at getting it back up to good. For instance, if I stay here any longer, things could get pretty ugly and fixing it would probably require some Honeydukes chocolate, flowers, and intense groveling on my part."

"It's been 30 minutes already?"

"Almost. But my answer to your problem is just to let her know how you feel. Maybe she's scared, too. Well, I'm off."


	4. Nightmare Come True

**A/N: Yay! Reviewers! Reviewers make my day!  
I would like to congratulate Anne-Janet for being my first reviewer!**

**  
Also thanks to SugarMama for reviewing. The answer to your question is that there was a sleeping baby in the next room. James was forced to contain himself.**

**Back to the story: this was a rather hard chapter to write, since it's sad, so sorry if it doesn't meet up with your expectations. Let me know what you think.**

James pulled out his wand and popped from Sirius's kitchen to his own. From the second he arrived, he knew something was wrong. He heard Harry crying from upstairs in his crib. James looked around and noticed that the front door was open. He held out his wand at the ready as he started checking out the house.

"Lily? Lily, where are you?" he asked as he searched the entire downstairs. Harry's cries continued to ring out.

'Lily? Why aren't you answering me?" he asked as he climbed the stairs. As he reached the top, he saw that the door to the nursery was open. As he approached the room, he saw Lily's body crumpled at the foot of the crib.

"Lily!" he screamed as he ran to her and collapsed beside her body, cradling her head in his lap.

"Lily? Lily, baby, please wake up. Please. Don't leave me. You can't. I need you. Harry needs you. Wake up."

James laid his body out next o hers, crying inot her hair. He lay like that for a while before he hear a faint pop downstairst, but ignored it. Whoever it was walked upstairs and stopped when they got to the nursery. James, feeling drained, finally got up and turned to see who had entered his house. He felt a new wave of misery sweep over him when he saw Sirius standing there with tears rolling down his cheeks.

"How'd you know to come?" James asked.

Sirius handed his friend a crumpled piece of parchment that he had been holding tight in his hand. James opened it up and saw two words in Lily's handwring—He's here.

"That came not too long after you left. I'm so sorry, James."

James, as if hearing his son's cries for the first time, turned away from his friend and pulled Harry from his crib.

"It's not like it's your fault. If anybody's it's mine. If I had been here—"

"If you had been here, you'd be dead, too. Then who would Harry have?"

"He'd have you."

Harry had quit crying, but had buried himself in his father's chest.

"Dumbledore needs to know." Sirius said.

A pop sounded in the kitchen.

"He already does." James said before heading downstairs. The white haired man with the long beard and half moon spectacled was waiting in the kitchen when they got there.

"Mr. Potter, I am dreadfully sorry for your loss, but I must also inform you that there is some good news to go along with the bad."

"And that would be . . .?"

"When Voldemort came here tonight, it wasn't to kill your wife. She died to save Harry. Because of that, a curse was placed on your son that caused the spell to backfire. No, I don't believe that Voldemort is dead, but I do believe it will be a long while before he can gain power again."

James looked down at his son and noticed rfor the first time the lightning bolt cut on his forehead.

"I-I don't understand."

"Perhaps another time when your mind is a bit clearer, hmm?"

James just nodded his head.

"Very well then. I still have another important stop to make, so if you gentlemen will excuse me . . ."

With a loud pop, Dumbledore was gone.

"Padfoot, do you mind if Harry and I stay with you for a while? I just don't think icould face it here right now."

"Sure mate, My house is open to you for however long you need it."

"Thanks."

James went to put Harry in his play pen, but he wouldn't let go of his father's shirt.

"Harry, I really need you to stay down here. Will you at least go to Sirius?"

Harry agreed to this and was handed over to his godfather.

"Thanks, mate. This may take a while."

James heavily sighed as he trudged up the stairs. Knowing what needed to be done, he went to the nursery and looked at Lily's dead body before picking her up. She felt so lifeless. So cold. He carried her into the badroom where he laid her on the bed and tucked her in. he brused some strands of her hair out of her face and felt a new wave of tears come over him.

"I'm so sorry, Lily. I should have listened to you. I should hav e been here to protect you. I didn't eve tell you I love you before I left. I failed you. I don't know how I'm going to go on without you, but I know I must. For Harry. He's all I have left of you. I'll see you everytime I look into his eyes. Iw ish I could just wake up and this would all be a horrible dream and you would be there to comfort me. I'm so sorry, Lily."

With that said, he leaned over and kissed her cold forehead and got up. He magically packed the necessities for him and Harry, then walked bsck downstairs where whe saw that Harry had fallen asleep in Sirius's arms..

"Hey, you ready?" Sirius asked when James entered the room. The sound of Sirius's voice woke Harry. When he looked around the room and saw his father, he immediately reached out for him.

"How about I take your bags and you take your son?" he proposed as the two men switched. They then pulled out their wands and apparated to Sirius's house. James took the bags from Sirius and trudged up the stairs to the room that had been his when he and Sirius lived together before he and Lily got married. He laid the bags on the bed, conjured up a carib for Harry, and tried to put Harry in it, only to result in his tiny hands grab tighter on James's cloak and start to fuss.

"Harry, don't do this, please. I'm sorry I left. I shouldn't have left you and Mum. But I'm here now. I'm not going to leave you again."

This seemed to satisfy Harry and he let go of his father. A few minutes later, after James had emptied the bags and put clothes in drawers, Sirius knocked on the door.

"It's your house. Do you really need to knock?" James replied.

When Sirius entered the room whe saw James sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

"Here, Prongs. Drink this." he said, handing James a goblet.

"Will it make me wake up and find out that this is all just a really bad dream?" he asked as he took it from him.

"Not, but it'll make you have a dreamless sleep."

"You know what the worst part about all of this is?"

"What?"

"She was pregnant"

"What? How come I didn't know?"

"She only found out yesterday. She would've been due in April."

"Prongs, I—I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. You've been more than a good friend tonight."

"Just doing my job."


End file.
